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Is there any way we can combat the high divorce rate?

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Jan 1, 2017 in Arts & Humanities by Didge (2,796 points)
edited Jan 1, 2017 by Didge

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5 Answers

Rooster Jan 1, 2017

Dunno Didge ! After two bad marriages myself ? I really don't have a clue how to combat the divorce rate. It's a shame that every couple that proposes marriage couldn't just live together six months to a year before marriage to see if they are really compatible.

Didge Rooster Jan 1, 2017

Sounds like a good option, Rooster but, even so, it may not work out. My grandson and his lady lived together for a few years, had two great kids, then had the world's most expensive wedding (in a cathedral, no less). Six months later they had broken up. They didn't even try. 

I once interviewed an Anglican (Episcopalian) minister on radio about this. He said that anybody wanting to be married in one of their churches can only do so after completing a couples' counselling course. He said that quite a few break up before the big event when they learn that they had different ideas about what they expected from a marriage. It's a big problem over here. 

Ladyhorse Jan 1, 2017

Saw this question before the sun came up and been thinking a lot...it's not easy and requires give and take on both sides. Be willing to forgive even if you're wrong. Didge, I want to make it clear to you I am not a JW but reverence to God is important. I read the Bible everyday but we don't attend church anymore because even the church is not what it used to be. Prior to marriage short sessions of pastoral counseling helped. Biblical principles are very important. Don't go to bed mad..."Don't let the sun go down on your anger". I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear but it is what has sustained us. Still giving what I said more thought...what is with the point system here?


Didge Ladyhorse Jan 1, 2017

Of course that's what I wanted to hear. This is about what works for YOU. It's not just about what works for me. 

You may be surprised that while Mrs Didge and I were still engaged we read a copy of C.S.Lewis's "The Screwtape Letters". Coming from an old misogynist like Lewis it was a remarkable book and, again from a man who was a bachelor for most of his life, proved to be a pretty good marriage manual. 

It was a series of letters from Screwtape, a senior tempter in Hell to his nephew, Wormwood, a probationary tempter on Earth, advising him in the art of tempting while, at the same time, making self-indulgence and self pride seem virtuous. In one way, I suppose, Lewis was helping to pioneer Transactional Psychology.

We dropped the religious context but still used the principles he espoused and it worked very well. That wasn't all we had going for us, of course, but after 57 years of a happy marriage I still remember Screwtape with gratitude, and although I can't say I'd ever want Lewis as a friend, I still find a great many useful quotes in his work. 

Fuzzy Corona Jan 1, 2017

We don't need to, if a marriage isn't working out it's a good thing to end it.

Didge Fuzzy Corona Jan 1, 2017
Certainly there will be some cases where throwing in the towel is best for all concerned but surely going into a marriage on a trial basis "if it's not working out, let's end it" is like taking your marriage vows with your fingers crossed. 
Forget the religious overtones: the promises we make to each other are a contract we enter together. Going in on a trial basis surely makes us dishonourable. Wouldn't it be better just to shack up so that nobody need expect permanency? 
Fuzzy Corona Fuzzy Corona Jan 2, 2017

Quite frankly, I don't care

Didge Fuzzy Corona Jan 2, 2017

Of course you don't, and therein lies the problem. It's that "I don't care" attitude that will keep driving people apart.

Marianne Fuzzy Corona Jan 2, 2017

@Didge

Perfectly said, Didge!

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Marianne Jan 2, 2017

Love starts with respect for each other and not taking the other for granted; in a relationship, both parties are expected to contribute to its growth:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201208/in-relationships-respect-may-be-even-more-crucial-love




Didge Marianne Jan 2, 2017

I think that single phrase "not taking each other for granted" is perhaps one of the most important aspects of making a marriage work. It's basic!  Thanks, Marianne. 

Marianne Marianne Jan 3, 2017

You're very welcome, Didge. It is the first step to learn to respect each other. And here, in Europe, the divorce rates are rather high, which shows also that a majority of people, under constant performance and social pressure, or running after goals of fictive happiness, neglected and still neglect to pay sufficiently attention to their own families and their well-being.


About divorce rates in the world:

http://www.businessinsider.com/map-divorce-rates-around-the-world-2014-5?IR=T

:ermm: :O

but they say that the rates are dropping - maybe that families are learning to understand each other - let's hope that they will! :)


Didge Marianne Jan 3, 2017

That link is very telling! Thanks. 

Marianne Marianne Jan 4, 2017
@Didge
You're very welcome, Didge.

TheOtherTink Jan 2, 2017

By doing a better job of instilling in youngsters that marriage is serious business, particularly if children are involved, not to be taken lightly as a responsibility.  And of course leading by example.

Didge TheOtherTink Jan 3, 2017

All of the above. I know two people whose parents were so ill-matched that they decided never to marry themselves.

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