+3 votes
189 views
in Fun & Humor ☻ by
The Top 10 Pickup Lines Used By Chefs:

10. "Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock."

9. "I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?"

8. "Cumin here often?"

7. "How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?"

6. "Care to come back to my place and kick it up a notch?"

5. "Hey, weren't you in my 'Introduction to Melons' class?"

4. "We've now simmered for the recommended 25 minutes - time to come to a full boil!"

3. "You're twice as sweet as a crême brûlée - and less drippy."

2. "Get the buttah." ...

and the Number 1 Pickup Line used by Chefs:

1. "Uh, yeah ... I invented Spaghetti-O's"

image

Link: http://www.paulkavanagh.com/en/Cooking-Jokes-Food-Jokes-Kitchen-Joke.html

3 Answers

+4 votes
by

That's Marianne! You're so right about the quality of sites. You bring a lot of quality  to this site as do Virginia and Tink. I try to come by here every morning because everyone is so nice and I leave with a smile! :D

I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?  :D


by

@Rooster

Lol - thank you for your smiles.

You're asking about milk? No, I am not drinking too much milk - just at a reasonable dosis, i.e. some in my coffee, sometimes a yoghurt, cheese for diverse dishes and sometimes butter on the bread with jam or honey, some cream for strawberries, or, occasionally, milk chocolate, etc. - lol.

After all, we are living in a temperate, rather mountaineous milk producing zone since long, and our bodies are accustomed to this kind of proteins, which can be alternated or combined with eggs, or meat, and added to vegetables, etc., so as to vary our diet.

But in many hotter countries, people are more or less lactose intolerant, as they have other food resources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactose_intolerance

by

Well the onion made ME laugh, Rooster...Oh that is SO clever!

by
Lol - me too ...
:D:D

+3 votes
by

Okay Marianne, I thought of another pun...I actually remember this one from 1953, I would have been eight years old! The joke was in the Readers' Digest, and it involved a famous comedian who was a stutterer. Well I had just learned that my own way of speaking was called "stuttering," and that people thought that was a problem...Plus, I was just falling in love with language, so from this joke I learned the word habitué, plus more about the mysteries of cursing!

                                                                       * * *

The comedian was at a posh country club or something, and someone inquired as to what a person like him was DOING there, was he an habitué of this club? He said no but his parents were members there, so he guessed he was the son of an habitué...

(Hope Sister O'Tink is not TOOO scandalized... :'(  ;)  :P)

by

Lol, Virginia - that depends much on the pronunciation, which looks to me like a little, charming "disaster" on the "English" side.

I know, we are also mangling foreign languages - so, puns happen easily.

With this pronunciation, I would guess "happy chooey", or after checking the "Urban dictionary", "a bit(**) ooee" (or chewy):

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chooey

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ooee

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chewy


But in French, the "h" is either mute or "aspirated" (not pronounced like :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspirated_h

and a (like laugh, but short), i (like bit - including the t), u (like the Greek "mu" (μ), or the German "ü"), é (like e in definition)

(scroll down to "prononciation" and click) : https://fr.wiktionary.org/wiki/habitu%C3%A9

:D:D:D
by

Ha ha, Marianne the pronunciation at issue here is your second one, "a bit(**) ooee"...

Not sure how much you are familiar with American profanity, but son-of-a-bit(**) is a common profane insult here, the bit(**) of course being the indiscriminately mating female dog...so it is an insult to the man's mother, too!

Strange, because among male buddies/friends SOB can also be a term of affection; so, if you have read the old-time Western classic novel by Owen Wister, THE VIRGINIAN, in which you find the famous line "Smile when you call me that!"

by

Oh, Virginia, as far as I heard and understood, it is - though widely used - rather insulting and discriminating for women (referring to their too often very low status in society), in most compositions and circumstances, and that since long, in spite of the original definition, i.e. the female canid.

And, in many languages, calling someone a dog (for males) is an insult; further, you have the expression "underdog" (shaming losers, victims, preys, weak, inapt, poor and miserable people).

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/underdog

So, I'd rather avoid to use it; I sinned often out of ignorance - there were and still are all the "false friends", as, before on-line access to the flood of present day information, vocabularies were often very incomplete (as definitions and translations were limited and, partly, incomplete or not giving the correct sense, in pocket sized books) and good dictionaries cumbersome and rather expensive, while the different domains required branch specific terms and jargons.

The Virginian is on my too long bucket list; it is one of the cases, in which I saw three or four TV episodes (with James Drury and a much nicer Trampas, played by regretted Doug McLure) before having had the occasion to read the book or get at least some more information about the story and the author. And besides Owen Wister, there's also Zane Grey, Louis L'Amour, etc.

:)

by

I learn about international and European language usage from you, Marianne!

by

Lol, Virginia - I am also learning from you.

By the way, many think that English is easy, but it has also it's difficulties ...

image imageimage

:angel::D


by

Marianne I enjoyed the cartoons, the grammar police, ty!

+3 votes
by

Said le chef  to a fair maid so neat,

"You look like a sweet treat to eat."

Then the bawdy old chef

Sang in high tenor clef,

"Ma petite, je te lèche tout de suite."

                    * * * * * *

The charming young maiden so neat

Quick-wittedly took to her feet.

For all of his lust,

He was left in the dust;

For le chef, la petite was too fleet.

image

by

"My little one, I lick you right now"...?

O'Tink are you like Marianne fluent in French also? Well, I am CLEARLY in very select company, here!

by

Lol, T(h)ink, excellent - that reminds me of an old song (still very popular in Canada)


And I can't help thinking of Georges Brassens' mischievous, often ironic, bawdy and musical poetry.

I'll have to translate some of them, if I find the time, as he uses quite a few "puns" ...


by

Ha ha, Marianne I have sung that song (Alouette) since childhood, and NEVER until now understood the translation!

by

Wow, Virginia, the story is not so innocent, indeed. :)


http://www.wordreference.com/fren/plumer

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lark

by

No Marianne, now I know about the "alouette."

Here is a question for you; alouette is such a pretty word, a nice sound...is it ever used as a woman's name? Occasionally, rarely now, you will find a woman given the English name "Lark"...does that happen in the French language?

by

@ Virginia,

Lol, no, I only have a reading knowledge of French, and far from perfect at that.

I learned German from my grandmother and am quite fluent in it, but could not pass for a native.

A less literal translation of the chef's comment might be, "I'm going to lick you right now, cutie." :O

by

@ Marianne,

Lol, I always knew that song as French-Canadian, but didn't know it had older roots in France. :angel: :D

Actually, the limerick verses reminded me more of this song:

http://glostrad.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/00035-Unknown-Good-Morning-Pretty-Maid1.pdf

http://www.contemplator.com/england/prettymaid.html

We used to sing this song in elementary school, but I don't remember singing the 4th stanza. I think it must have been censored. :angel: :) :D

by

Well, right now, I don't see much, except for nicknames and "family" names, but many first names are the names of flowers - oh, there's Merle:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merle_(given_name)

A very rarely used name is "Fauvette" = warbler

Cornelia (probably from corneille = crow)


And quite a few "family" and nick names are basing on bird's names, like

Corneille, for instance, to take a famous one

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre_Corneille




T(h)ink will certainly remember "Vogel" (bird in German, and a wide spread "family" name).


There are, of course first names basing on birds, from other languages, like

Ava (from avis = bird)

Paloma (spanish for dove or pidgeon, from palumba, referring to "Columba palumbus"; in French, "palombe" for the same species) or, rarely, Colombine (from colombe, and columba).

Aquila = eagle in Latin

Elaïa (from basque, in French "hirondelle" = swallow)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barn_swallow



by

Lol - T(h)ink - that is indeed interesting. Indeed, Alouette seems to be a more recent song, but the origins were probably also linked to ancient traditions of "poor people's" poaching, hunting and trapping of songbirds and other small preys or game in feudal Europe.

http://en.bab.la/dictionary/french-english/miroir-aux-alouettes

by

Marianne what interesting research! I had not known of the name Fauvette...nor of the plays of Pierre Corneille, the dramatist who lived in the time of Cardinal (from the bird's color) Richelieu, and who received the Cardinal's patronage. 

Also, that Corneille got in trouble with one of his plays because he breached the Aristotelian unities...tsk, tsk...  :angry:  :O

by

Oh yes, Virginia, the Quarrel (Querelle du Cid) about (of the) "Le Cid"!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre_Corneille#Querelle_du_Cid


About Richelieu (citing):

Qu’on parle mal ou bien du fameux cardinal
Ma prose ni mes vers n’en diront jamais rien ;
Il m’a trop fait de bien pour en dire du mal ;
Il m’a trop fait de mal pour en dire du bien.

They can speak badly or well about the famous Cardinal,

(neither) my prose (n)or (my) rhymes will never (ever) tell anything;

he did too much good to me to speak ill of him;

he hurt me too much to speak well of him.

by

Marianne, that verse from Corneille is very poignant, quite beautiful...also I appreciated the link, it conveys the intensity of the donnybrook over Le Cid...where "At one point, Corneille took several shots at criticizing author Jean Mairet's family and lineage." 

Change of pace - O'Tink and Marianne's talent with verse have even inspired me to try a few of my own lines here on SOLVE...however, in the spirit of the alouette, here for you is a lovely verse from Percy Bysshe Shelley...his TO A SKYLARK:

Higher still and higher

From the earth thou springest

Like a cloud of fire;

The deep blue thou wingest

And singing still dost soar, and soaring ever singest.

by

@ Virginia,

Yes, Shelley was to poetry as Schubert was to music. My favorite by Shelley is the sonnet "Ozymandias", said to have been composed by him in fifteen or twenty minutes. :O!

"I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

by

O'Yes, O'Tink...I also have loved Ozymandias...I did not recall the part about 15-20 minutes, but not surprising...these flashes of inspiration, of wisdom...the sneering passions still surviving on shattered stone...

Sometimes the links I follow from you and Marianne, they can take one into delightful (or maybe somber) contemplations; just in the last few days I recall a graphic of the dinosaurs, "200 million years and we thought we were forever," humankind up to one million years now (kinda)...and then the universe, another zillion years and we go into equilibrium heat death (one theory)...the cosmic blink of an eye...and where is it all then, all this that seems to matter SO much?

by

O'Tink, that 4th stanza...women's lib back as far as 1750 maybe earlier???

"Therefore believe me.
I don't intend to be
A servant bound to thee.
To do thy drudgery,
Thou boasting stranger."

by

@ Virginia,

Lol, there were two controversial topics in that stanza that my elementary school music teacher may have preferred to avoid.

And since the song was composed no later than 1750, the defeat of the Turks at the gates of Vienna would still have been in living memory.

Some things never change? :angel:

                          Sequel :D

"You are a prideful maid," said he, voice rising.

"To answer thus to me, my suit despising.

If you won't marry me, I'll have my way with thee,

Right here upon this lea, thou haughty maiden."

                           * * * * *

As he approached the maid, she drew her leg back,

And with a well-placed knee, she stopped him cold— smack!

As he lay in the dirt, a-groan in pain and hurt,

She said, in tones most curt, "Bye, boasting stranger."

by

O'Tink...  :P  :sick:  :D  I don't know if that is actually a verse or your own composition, but it is hilarious...indeed some things never change...

by

Lol, Virginia, yes it's my sequel.  :D  The language of the last stanza is too modern to be from 1750, but I think the first stanza could pass.  :angel: :)

image

by

I was wondering O'Tink...actually kinda hoping that last stanza WAS from 1750...go, prideful maiden!

by

:D!

Here's a Mother Goose song on a similar theme.

And another link:   http://www.mamalisa.com/?t=es&p=1506

by

O'Tink is that the tune you have been humming, along with a bit of Alouette? If so, I see why, it is a delight...I enjoyed it very much, all three times...a touch of defiance...and all the MamaLisa versions, too!

by

@ Virginia,

No, it was the old melody from 1750 that I was humming.

It can be found at this link:

http://www.contemplator.com/england/prettymaid.html

Click on the start arrow in the audio clip box, and it should play.

I think this song was ingeniously done. If you read the lyrics in standard iambic meter, the first line goes:

Good MOR-ning PRET-ty MAID, (silent beat) where ARE you GO-ing (silent, silent))

Not too exciting.

When read to the tune, however, the meter becomes irregular, but MUCH more lecherously expressive:

Good MOR-ning PRET-ty MAID, WHERE ARE you GO-ING (silent)

(I think Bill Cosby would have inflected the line that way.)  :ermm: :O

I suspect the tune existed prior to the lyrics, maybe as a country dance, and then a very clever poet thought up the well-matched theme and words.

by

O'Tink, the page opened but apparently that music file is too large for my OLD laptop...so I did a search on YouTube but doesn't seem to be there either...however, I recall you like Schubert and the search DID come up with this one...so lovely, I collected it for you!


by

Marianne, I just now spent an enjoyable hour, looking through the historical links...

by

Lol - you're welcome, Virginia.

I got all mixed up with the many comments, and I am afraid that I did not answer all of them, as my connections are very slow again. If you miss an answer, let me know - lol.

:)

by

Marianne, for example I just learned that Eichendorff was one of the major writers and critics of Romanticism...and I had never heard of him! I think living in the USA you can get rather insulated, a bit narrow...

by

Lol - don't worry, Virginia, you're not "insulated" on your side, and there's still much, which I do not know about American literature and many other things. Additionally, I forgot a lot of details and might get mixed up, trying to remember things - lol.

Don't forget, I am also learning a lot from you.

by

Marianne I think our small group does bring a diversity of knowledge, and of viewpoints also...kinda liberal, kinda conservative, and all the shades of grey...very helpful, I feel!

by

Lol - it does indeed - maybe not "50 shades of grey", but still quite a few. And sharing a good laugh is excellent for all ...


:O:angel::D:D


by

@ Virginia,

Here is the sheet music for it.  I couldn't find another audio version of it anywhere. :(

http://glostrad.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/00035-Unknown-Good-Morning-Pretty-Maid1.pdf

And yes, Schubert also composed the melody for "Hark, Hark, the Lark", which was originally by Shakespeare, but was expanded in German.

And below is a really FUNNY reading of the original, by a computer voice:D :D :D

https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/hark-hark-the-lark/

by

You know what, O'Tink? Just for fun I may print this and take it to our local sandstone quarry building, where there is a piano on which to plink it out...fun!

...and the Schubert is truly beautiful; alouette, lerche, lark...

by

@ Virginia,

Just in case this didn't show above:

https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/hark-hark-the-lark/

I never heard such a funny-sounding reading of a poem.  :D

by

I DID listen to it, O'Tink...just did not comment...the mechanical, female computer voice rendering the soaring poem...it makes me wish I could hear Stephen Hawking reading it, with the knowledge there is a passionate human being behind the synthetic voice!

by

@ Virginia,

:D

by

O'Tink...I did not realize she was EVER the voice of the computer, much less for all those series! (Being an avid original Trekkie, however, I liked ONLY the original 1960's Capt.Kirk/Mr. Spock/Dr. McCoy/Lt. Uhuru version...prolly watched every episode around three times!).

by

@ Virginia,

I think the original Star Trek was the best too.  :)


by

Oh yes! I recall that episode very well...did not, however, recall that it was written by Harlan Ellison...so many of those episodes have stood the test of time, perhaps even a bit prophetic...

This one was quite a fascinating exploration of the potential of excessive pacifism, I recall!

by

@ Virginia,

Oh, and speaking of gods and goddesses... :)


by

Ah, yes..."Would it have hurt us, I wonder, just to have gathered a few laurel leaves?"

I have loved their "words of wisdom" at the end of the episodes...plus, this one was special because as I child, I read avidly the Greek and Roman mythology...you know, if these were available I would prolly watch them all a FOURTH time...so I hope they are not, actually!

by

@ Virginia,

Don't they still show re-runs?

I haven't looked for a long time, but I think they were still on just a few years ago, or maybe it was a marathon showing over New Year's.

by

O'Tink, I have actually not had full-blown TV since 1997...for a while I got one-channel CBC Vancouver with an aerial; but TV itself? Nope, for those aerial years 2001-2010, I was on Mt. Baker, too remote for cable...I could get cable now, if I wanted, but anyway for my taste, cable too expensive when all you get is equal time advertisements, plus not many worthwhile programs anyway...

Currently, I am intrigued by YouTube, and try to watch at least one worthwhile program daily; that is how I learned about Bell's theorem, for example, searched until I found a couple at my level I could use as stepping stones. I was searching for good quality climate information, pro OR con, but so far anyway I have not found anything I feel reliable in EITHER direction...all just promoting agendas.

There is some YouTube information I feel cautiously good quality about capitalism; these same folks with the German portmanteau words, for example, they have a nice one suggesting forms of capitalism wholesome, and theoretically we could pick and choose...but I could not tell if their information came from high-quality wisdom of direct experience or not!

* * *

Well, cutting to the chase, I actually HOPE YouTube does not have full Star Trek episodes because I might not be able to resist them! (And don't really want to take the time...FOURTH time...) 

For a while YouTube had good quality COLUMBO episodes, and I did watch ALL of those (sigh)...time-consuming but oh such fun! Now all the high quality COLUMBO are gone, however.

by

@T(h)ink

Ouch!

I was totally baffled at this robotic sound!

:O:dizzy::wassat::ermm::D:D

by

@ Marianne,

Lol, I think that website has a computer reciting EVERY posted poem. :O 

I think that's worse than no recitation at all. :ermm:

by

Lol, T(h)ink, indeed. :O:ermm::D


Is this page not working?

(or) the content is outdated?

Click here to see the recent version of this page

Is this page not working?

Click here to see the recent version of this page

...