Lol - that looks like a case for the hospital.
Too bad, one of the very best sketches about being drunk is an old classic, by Bourvil.
The problem with the translation is the game with words, spellings, distortions and phrases, which need to be explained - and which takes a lot of time - lol.
But I remember another old song in English - Lily the Pink (and her rather disastrous medicinal compound):