Definitions:
• string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.
• detaché: an indication that the trombones are to play with their slides removed.
• glissando: a technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.
• subito piano: indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra player to become a soloist.
• risoluto: indicates to orchestras that they are to stubbornly maintain the correct tempo no matter what the conductor tries to do.
• senza sordino: a term used to remind the player that he forgot to put his mute on a few measures back.
• preparatory beat: a threat made to singers, i.e., sing, or else....
• crescendo: a reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.
• conductor: a musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.
• clef: something to jump from before the viola solo.
• transposition: the act of moving the relative pitch of a piece of music that is too low for the basses to a point where it is too high for the sopranos.
• vibrato: used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
• half step: the pace used by a cellist when carrying hi instrument.
• coloratura soprano: a singer who has great trouble finding the proper note, but who has a wild time hunting for it.
Link:
http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/other-instrument-jokes.html