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A Great Fruit Cake Recipe - Highly Inadvisable for Professionals

+4 votes
Oct 15, 2017 in Fun & Humor ☻ by Marianne (18,487 points)
edited Oct 15, 2017 by Marianne
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.

Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.

Check the whisky again.
To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay.
Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whisky.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.



4 Answers

TheOtherTink Oct 15, 2017

I tried thish reshipe.  It'sh delicioush


Marianne TheOtherTink Oct 15, 2017

Lol - T(h)ink, check under 0.30: "it's the liver" ... (was Sir Reginald, alias "Big Moustache", the bad example?)

Ladyhorse TheOtherTink Oct 15, 2017

Posted above...oh dear...I did something wrong again...

Ladyhorse TheOtherTink Oct 15, 2017

My sides hurt from silently giggling (hubs is sleeping after a hard day fishing)!!

TheOtherTink TheOtherTink Oct 15, 2017

LOL, Marianne, "White tongue, yellow eyes, red nose... it's the liver."  :D :D :D

Marianne TheOtherTink Oct 16, 2017

Excellent, Think, I hope that you enjoyed this hilarious episode; for Virginia: "langue blanche, oeil jaune, nez rouge - le foie ........ c'est le foie" - lol.

Note the plural for "l'oeil" (m.): "les yeux" and the easy confusion between "le foie" (liver), "la foi" (faith), une fois (time or times, when counting, or occasion).

Il était une fois - J'ai encore rêvé d'elle:

Subtitles FR + GB:

("Il était une fois" = "Once upon a time")

And the full version (this movie has been dubbed or subtitled in various languages; if you have access, look for the British version):

The full movie:


Virginia TheOtherTink Oct 16, 2017

I got it!

"white tongue, yellow eye, red nose - the liver ........ it is the liver"

TheOtherTink TheOtherTink Oct 17, 2017

@ Marianne,

Yes, I find written French quite easy to read, but difficult to understand the spoken language, because so many words sound alike, or almost so, at least to my ears.  :D

Marianne TheOtherTink Oct 17, 2017

Yes, T(h)ink, actually, it is the same for us with English and other languages and, of course, their spellings, accents, etc., all the more when speakers speak too quickly and swallow parts of words or do not pronounce them well.

Well, grammar is helpful and, of course, a correct and clear pronounciation.

But in many cases, you don't have a helpful element allowing to pick the correct definition, unless you see the written word, like in titles, for instance.

Some examples of perfect homonyms:

la mère (mother), le maire (mayor), la mer (sea) ...

le compte (count, account, credit), le comte (count in aristocracy), le conte (fairy tale) ...

le bouleau (birch), le boulot (work, job, task, duty) ...


Marianne TheOtherTink Oct 17, 2017

Very good, Virginia - lol. :D:D:D

Ladyhorse Oct 15, 2017

So funny Marianne...a good ending to a frustrating day!!

Marianne Ladyhorse Oct 16, 2017

Thank you, Ladyhorse, for joining a good laugh. :):D:D

Rooster Oct 16, 2017

Another great one Marianne! :D :D :D


Marianne Rooster Oct 16, 2017

Lol, Rooster - the "gif" doubles the pleasure ... :D:D:D!

Virginia Oct 16, 2017

Marianne I do enjoy experimenting, and you have pretty much described my valiant efforts to make fruitcake (sigh)...

Marianne Virginia Oct 17, 2017

Lol, Virginia - you too? :O:O:angel::D:D


Ladyhorse Virginia Oct 17, 2017
LOL!!  :woot:
Marianne Virginia Oct 18, 2017

Lol, Ladyhorse - good to see you join our giggles!


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