HOW ABOUT STARTING A "NUTTY" MORNING WITH SOME SO-CALLED PARAPROSDOKIAN QUOTES ?

Question

- Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away and he won’t have any shoes.
(Comment: Why didn't they mention women ?)

- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
(Comment: Who doesn't remember the "crushed tomato on a road" or "Ketchup" joke.)

- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

- Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

- You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

- We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

- Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

- A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

- War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

AND
- “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.” (by Groucho Marx)



Link: http://www.economicnoise.com/2011/09/05/182-paraprosdokians/

Answer 1

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. I really like that one the best! Best quotes I've read in some time! Thanks, Marianne!   

Answer 2

Lol, Rooster, you're very welcome.

Answer 3

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”

Zeno always had a difficult time with motion.

https://faculty.washington.edu/smcohen/320/ZenoArrow.html

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. 

The first asks the bartender for a beer. 

The second asks for half a beer. The third one says he wants a fourth of a beer. 

The bartender interrupts, puts two beers on the bar and says:
 “You guys need to learn your limits.”

http://metanoodle.blogspot.com/2011/09/zenos-paradox-beer-joke.html

Answer 4

Lol, T(h)ink, two good ones!

And yes, "... fruit flies (or can/will/... fly) like a banana, or fruit flies (can/will/...) like a banana."

Answer 5

I think I like best the one about the early bird and the second mouse, Marianne! I seem to be less-than-early these days...

Answer 6

Lol, Virginia - yes, for quite a few, the daylight saving times, persisting stress, too long work days, the "jet-lag syndrome", extra work and/or too many night shifts, etc., can have a very negative impact on the circadian rhythm.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circadian_rhythm