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About Scepticism

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Jul 22 in Fun & Humor ☻ by Marianne (15,442 points)
Jacques Chirac, the French Prime Minister (function from 1974 - 1976), was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Mike down at the Derby in Hamilton, Ontario. I am calling to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you, eh!"

"Well, Mike," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Mike after a moment's calculation, "there's meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Bob, and the entire Canadian Olympic curling team. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Mike, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Take off!" said Mike. "I'll have to call you back!"

Sure enough, the next day Mike called again. "Mister Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some real infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Mike?" Chirac asked. "Well, we got the two combines, a bulldozer, and Bob's farm tractor."

Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Mike, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."

"Jesus!" said Mike. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Mike called again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jack McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of twenty-twos in the cockpit, and the girls from the peelers have joined us too!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Mike, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"

"Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph!" said Mike, "I'll have to call you back." Sure enough, Mike called again the next day. "G'day, Mister Chirac! I'm sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Mike, "the boys had a long chat over a bunch of beers and decided that there's no way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners."

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Source: Postby Gord » Mon Sep 16, 2013 4:03 am - http://www.skepticforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=17759

3 Answers

Virginia Jul 22

Marianne, that is hilarious, I was laughing and laughing, early in the morning my poor neighbors! You prolly already know, people in the USA have a very special love for Canadians, and this joke really is typical of that affection, eh...

Oh, and on your same link I found this one, it is SO awful it may actually be the pun to end all puns...

"Fellow in Jacksonville heard that his pet porpoises would live forever if he fed them sea gulls. He ordered a few, but as the delivery boy stepped over a sleeping lion in his driveway the FBI nabbed him for transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises."

:D  :'(  :silly:

Marianne Virginia Jul 23

Lol, Virginia - that is indeed hilarious.

:D :silly: :O :angel::D


Marianne Virginia Jul 24

Lol, yes, and I forgot to refer to the puns.

Virginia Virginia Jul 24

Oh, Marianne, I thought of that later...the source of the pun...not sure if you would be familiar...it is a well-known and often-invoked law that a man can be charged with statutory [email protected] for "transporting (an underage) girl across a state line for immoral purposes"...!!!

Marianne Virginia Jul 24

Lol - Virginia, no, I did not think about this particular law referring to "immoral purposes", I saw "immoral purposes" all right (but had no other clue, and usually, girls were blamed for their "immoral" intrigues), or over a "laid stone" for "staid lion" (sleeping lion - leaping ion), instead of state line, and was not sure about gulls (I was stuck, wondering about skulls, curls, sull, cull, etc.), or the "delivery boy" (actually trying to remember rhymes, like "alloy", "employ", or "every ploy"). Actually, I was far off the very ideas and the suspicion around kidnapping and human trafficking - or "white slave trafficking" (and there are many old and new laws and rules dealing with this particular matter, although often "ignored" or "swept under the rug", in case of economic problems):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Agreement_for_the_suppression_of_the_White_Slave_Traffic

or several movies, for instance:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girls_Marked_Danger


Virginia Virginia Jul 24

Marianne, some of your speculations are almost better than the original pun !!! (Ha ha, I love the 'laid stone' for the staid lion...)

Marianne Virginia Jul 24

Lol - well, Virginia, I was trying several "alternatives", although some looked rather absurd, as I suspected more than one pun. :D:D:D

By the way, yes, I am quite aware of the sometimes troubled love relations, involving "cultural", linguistical and other differences and misunderstandings between Canada and the US, or with British, Irish, Scottish, Wallabies, Kiwis, etc., as much as the rivalries between French-speaking and English-speaking Canadians; after all, we have also our Roestigraben and Polentagraben stories - right now, it will be difficult to find somebody with the charisma of Didier Burkhalter (the fight between "Romands" and "Ticinesi" is on). :angel::D

http://lenews.ch/2017/06/19/didier-burkhalters-replacement-to-be-agreed-by-20-september/

Actually, you will find such old rivalries among many regions, places, etc., everywhere, but in many parts of the world, there is no dialogue, cooperation or mutual assistance - there is violence, hate, criminality and war (after all, also Europe has a long history of violence and wars, and there are still multiple conflicts in quite a few parts, and the latest economic, ecological and humanitarian crises are fuelling additional protests and violence). :ermm:


Virginia Virginia Jul 24

Marianne, we Europeans (and European descent) DO seem to have a way of getting into lethal squabbles... I hope we get over that someday!

Marianne Virginia Jul 26

Lol - Virginia, yes, I hope so too; it would be so much nicer to take it from the sunny side, with good humour - on all the sides.

:)


Virginia Virginia Jul 26

Good morning, Marianne...it's afternoon for you, I think!

Marianne Virginia Jul 27

Hello, Virginia - I am very late with everything, about two or three days behind with things, after my  connection problems - lol. Yes, I think that it was afternoon here, yesterday, but today, it is 8 p.m. right now.

:)<3

Rooster Jul 22

:D :D :D Those crazy Canadians, eh? 

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Marianne Rooster Jul 23

Lol - :O:angel::D:D!


TheOtherTink Jul 23

Reminds me of The Mouse that Roared.


Lol - yes, T(h)ink, I remember this movie:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mouse_That_Roared_(film)

:D:D

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